Remembering Edith Schaeffer

So I learnt last night that its been more than a year since Edith Schaeffer died. What? Huge surprise to me because even though she was 98 years old, I thought she was immortal. She's like one of those things you take for granted like rain in March and April (if you live in Kenya) or former President Moi. It just never occurred to me that she would die and not be part of this world. That a time would come when we wouldn't be 'under the same sky...'
'Well, who is Edith Schaffer?' you might wonder. She is many things. But in my own words she is the mother of all things beautiful and creative. Reading her books 'Hidden Art' and later 'The Hidden Art Of Homemaking' changed my life in the most beautiful way. Being a student of Daystar University in Athi River, I saw a lot of dust and rocks and just a lot of rough terrain. I didn't see beauty. It wasn't until I read her books that I discovered a new way of looking at the world around us. I started collecting shells (which were surprisingly many in Athi River!), picking flowers and I even adopted a potted plant that had been thrown in the rubbish. I tried out little suggestions that she made about living creatively in my dorm room (which drove my roommates nuts sometimes!) and I still to this day, channel her when buying things for our home.
She introduced to me a new love and appreciation for music, beauty,art and good writing, which to her, was a key mandate of every Christian. She considered expression of creativity, an important aspect of reflecting our Creator, who Himself is a constantly creative force and in whose image we're made in.
Through her writing, her childlike wonder and amazement at the beauty in the world came through and was infectious. She lived and died in L'Abri, a home, community and refuge she founded with her Late husband, Francis Schaeffer, for people around the world who were seeking God's truth and answers about the questions they faced in today's world.
I can imagine surrounded by the serene Alpine mountains and flower filled meadows, it was not too hard for creativity and art to flow through her. She taught about bringing beauty in everything and adding flair to even mundane tasks.
Her death, like the passing of so many that I love, admire and look up to, makes me yearn for heaven. It can only be a home full love, music and every beautiful thing. Rest well Edith, thank you for the contribution you made to our world, you will never be forgotten.

“It is true that all men are created in the image of God, but Christians are supposed to be conscious of that fact, and being conscious of it should recognize the importance of living artistically, aesthetically, and creatively, as creative creatures of the Creator. If we have been created in the image of an Artist, then we should look for expressions of artistry, and be sensitive to beauty, responsive to what has been created for us” (p. 32).” 
― Edith Schaeffer, The Hidden Art of Homemaking

Being afraid

Fear is such a strange thing. It can suck you up into dark, small spaces  it can bite you with deadly,  venomous fangs, leaving you completely immobile or dead. Dead to to the life that is around you and the blessings in your life.
I have been feeling afraid a lot lately about so many things. As I type this, I am afraid that if I share some of those things in this platform then you will know the real me and you won't like me or respect me or envy admire me. I will not share those things here today even though I think I might connect with someone out here better by being completely honest. Please allow me to save that for another day.
Meanwhile, join me in facing a fear of yours today. I know it will fade away once you and I stand up to it. And most importantly I know that we are not alone.

Isaiah 41:10

Anyone but Uhuru and Ruto

I used to have a full night of sleep..but not anymore. These days am kept up by so many factors. For starters, let's talk politics. even though am greatly disillusioned by the turn Kenyan politics has taken, I have to participate in it. I have to confessthat I've spent the last 5 years feeling cheated and vowing to not take part in the politics of this nation. That's because, call me naive, I actually believed in those manifestos. I believed I was voting in for development and jobs and less corruption and good governance. But wapi? You know how it goes.
But now something peculiar has been happening in me. I now feel this nudging to do something, not only for myself and my love for this country, but also for the sake of my sons. They have no other home, us parents we owe it to our children to leave a better world than we found it. To give them a better life.
And so come March 4th, you'll find me on the line, somewhere in Kiambu County voting for anyone but Uhuruto! And I suggest you all do the same.

Being my son's mum

Am just wondering. And thinking that there must not be anything else as beautiful and as special as having a baby fall asleep in your arms. My son turned 16 months old on Tuesday and I still haven't gotten used to it. It really is the most pure, calming thing to watch. Even though it often takes me more that a few minutes to get him to nod off, its so rewarding when he finally does.

Kinda reminds me of motherhood. It takes so much physical and emotional strength, it can really wear you out. Make you wanna runaway but would I have it any other way? The answer is a simple, clear, emphatic NO! Every child born is worth the tears and the pain and the work and the sleepless nights. Every child born is worth it because not only is giving life and nurturing it beautiful and rewarding, God says that the children are His. We just happen to be stewards. And so we better carry out that role with fear and trembling as we will one day give an account.

Reflect on that today and if you're a mama be encouraged (You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you!)

Love and blessings

Finding grace

I'm going back to school! No not that kind of school, another type of school. Its, how do I put this, a God kind of school. Oh yeah there's lots of learning to do I can barely keep up, its a crash course! There's so much to grasp! During this time spent in isolation, am learning a lot about life, about myself, about God. Re-evaluating my priorities and crossing things (and people, yikes!) out of my life.

The first major lesson that I've learnt so far is God's grace. I mean, total, unadulterated grace. Not defined to me by some spiritual guru or leader, just simple grace and experiencing it for myself. Grace, oh that word sounds so good to my mind and to my lips, I'm gonna have to say type three more times! Grace. Grace. Grace.

 Oh what joy to know, that I've been bought with a price that I am not my own, that despite making a mess of my existence I am still loved! To know that whatever happens, God, my Father, has got my back. I'll never scare Him away, I'll never hurt Him so deeply, I can ever irritate Him with my annoying habits. He's really here for the long haul. How's that for reliability and dependability? Our God is awesome! No human words can describe His goodness and bigness of heart!

And so even though, there's been some scary things happening in my life, it takes a whole load of pressure of my back to know that I am His. And He is mine. And His grace is sufficient to me and to you too dear friend. Accept it, receive it. He loves us and who can ever have too much love?



"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor 12:9

God's blessings and peace to you all!

The Potter's hands: Reinvention

Hey so I know what some of you are thinking, that when I say reinvention I mean the usual stuff, you know cutting your hair dyeing it blond or drastic weight loss followed by this major makeover. Ha! I wish!

There will be no hair cuts and makeovers for me, rather I mean a serious reevaluation of how I live, the things that rob me of my time and energy. The things that hold me back from being the 'me' am supposed to be.
Just this past week, God has really been pointing out some things in me that really have to go. I mean really, they have no place in my life anymore. And sometimes its scaring, some of this things are old habits that somehow creeped into my life and now feel like part of who I am/

It feels like am gonna change so much and even though it can only be for the better and for God's will to reign in my life, its really unfamiliar. But the two things I know for sure are:
1. God is in control. He knows exactly where we're going and He made me, I mean who better to be in control than one who knows ALL things?
2. When God is calling to a place of renewal and readjustment its always because greater tasks lie ahead and how can you move onto tomorrow if you hold onto to yesterday? How can one serve two masters at the same time? Impossible.

And so even though this is an out-of-my-comfort-zone place for me, I will listen and I will trust and when I find I revert to my old self, I will own up and allow God's tender hands to clean me up and continue with the molding process. He's a great Father.

I hope and pray that God is working His molding power on you too and that you allow Him. Painful as it maybe.

 "And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64:8





God's peace and blessings to you all

Exit Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher..

So the curtain finally falls on Ashton Kutcher's and Demi Moore's union. I'm kinda sad. I know its ridiculous because they're part of the empty, vain, shallow life that is Hollywood. But yet am sad.

This breakup, makes me sad for so many reasons. First of all, they're people and it's tragic when a marriage ends in divorce. Then it just makes me think of how desperately we need Christ in our lives and in our relationships. When we see the world and others through the lens of God's Word, we rise above ourselves and our nature and like Christ, learn to lay our lives down for others. Loving them even in they're weakness and imperfection, God gives us the strength.

It makes me think of how frail and weak we are. Our femininity and masculinity is flawed. Therefore we constantly have to look to God to redefine us and write the story of our lives afresh.

This break up also saddens me because I liked them. Yes, I admit it, I was rooting for them. They were different. Defied tradition. I like different and tradition defying folks. Its just me. Normal bores me.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts.

Have a happy day people! And strive to walk with Christ, in the end He is the only Truth we have.

Vanilla/Cinnamon Pancakes for dinner

So today I was struck by this sudden, strong urge to eat pancakes for dinner. Yap, for dinner. And I thought why not. Life is blissful! But I decided rather than making them the old dull way, I would jazz them up a bit. The result was delish!! I can't believe I didn't try this earlier. So next time you're making pancakes, consider using milk only rather than water. Add a dash of cinnamon and a teaspoon of vanilla essence. The result? YUMMYLIOUS!

Ni hayo tu kwa sasa :-)

Yummy, one minute breakfast!

If you're like me, then you often get stuck in the 'toast and tea for breakfast' routine. Its boring, I know but it's so darn easy! So imagine my delight when I came across something equally easy, if not easier, than my dull tired excuse of the most important meal of the day!

It's delicious and healthy, which we know, can be a rare blend :-)

I thought I should share it:

Banana Whips
(makes 2 glasses)

Ingredients
2 bananas
1 cup milk
1 to 2 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, if desired
1 cup ice cubes


Place bananas, milk, honey, vanilla and cinnamon in a blender. Blend until smooth. Add ice cubes and blend until cold. Serve.


Enjoy!

Time and flowers :-)

Boy have I missed this small space of mine! You would think now that am at home, I have more time on my hands. Well..wrong! I have very little time. No time in fact. You simply cannot pass a smiling, blabbing little face that loves kisses and cuddles and games! It's too hard.

He's sleeping now, so atleast I get afew hours to myself. Meanwhile, I have nothing much to report on, just this strong urge to type and post something.

Oh and since I have to leave something fab for ya'll. I leave this bouqet of beautiful flowers that I picked from my aunt's garden last Saturday. I don't know what they're known as but they're gorgeous! (Check above)

Thank you Tata Njambi and cousins for the hook up!

Today's the day

It's such a beautiful, bright day today. It just inspires writing and cleaning and shopping and taking long walks with my baby boy and his dad (some of the world's greatest problems are solved during or after long walks!). It inspires a trip to Mombasa or Malindi or Lamu, or Mfangano Island or Zanzibar or anyplace that's tropical.

It inspires newness and freshness and freshly squeezed orange juice and flower picking (especially hot pink roses:) and attending an arts festival (Kinanda Fest would have done so good to be held today!). Today inspires deep soul searching, to face yourself naked and all, so healing and truth can finally reign.

It inspires bravery, to make the big scary decisions, like quitting a job you hate, or walking out of a dead end relationship, or having a baby, or standing up to someone who frightens you.
Today is a good day to live. Today is a good day to enjoy what God has to offer. Today is a wonderful day to love and be loved.

Psalms 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Walking the talk can be so hard at times..

We've had this conversation over and over again. I think it must be around two thousand times that we spoke about it, and we have always been on the same page. The mother should raise the child. Period. How do you bring a child into the world only to leave him behind, with a standard 3 dropout? That is not only unfair , it is cruel. That much we agreed on, 2years ago

So now the rubber meets the road (cliche, I know). Baby's here. He needs me more than ever and I am called to raise up the next generation. I am scared to the core, scared of losing my identity, scared of saying 'Hi, my name is....and I'm a Stay at Home Mom', scared of disappointing my family who declare so proudly that 'Our daughter has a (well paying) job'.

And so I wear that power suit, paint my face, pull myself together and leave my barely 4month old behind, to appease my ego and those of others, I die to Self to serve Self. Such a bizarre way to be. I live for today's comforts and manage to convince him and myself that that's whats best for baby.

But what about the values, the conversations, the promise I made to God that I will one day be accountable to? Only time will tell.
For now, I am here, and my baby is being raised by a 20 year old. Cause that's what's best for him?

Bringing forth into the world..

It's funny how in Kenya and Africa in general, issues that surround being a new mother and the difficulties it comes are hardly ever talked about. The main focus is often the excitement of the new baby, the addition in the family, grandchild, niece, nephew, brother, sister. And it is exciting, a new person has now joined us. But two new people have also been made. Father and Mother.
Rarely do you hear about this very scary transition into parenthood.
Birth, like death, is deeply impacting. And the difference between these two events is that, while in death the community circumvents the entire family, in birth only the baby is surrounded and taken in.
The parents of the new born are left to deal with feelings of excitement and intense fear. Happiness and being overwhelmed.
Issues such as Post partum depression or 'the Baby Blues', which are a reality for most women, owing to the traumatic nature of childbirth, are not discussed. This leaves a mother reeling in the after effects of childbirth alone.
I once read somewhere that in order to embrace motherhood, one has to mourn the lose of her girlhood. And I did. I faced the fact that there were things I would no longer be able to do because I was now a mother. It was bitter sweet. I was happy to join this new club but it pushed to a very new and strange place. This was a role I had never played before and noone, not my mother, nor my husband could help me. Teach me to be a mother.
In this new place, only God lived. It was just the three of us. God, my son and myself.

Motherhood has brought me to the realization of so many things. Some I cannot even begin to express as they are far too intense and amazing to be told. Being a parent brings you right to the feet of God. Because as soon as you become a mother or a father, you realize that you are all alone and only God can help you parent.

The truth about art and beauty, Edith Schaeffer style

The desire to surround myself with meaningful and beautiful things was first roused in me after reading Edith Schaeffer's book 'Hidden Art'. I was in campus and I started by making my bed and picking flowers around the compound to put in my room. It seemed a small and time wasting activity but it gave me such pleasure to come to a neat and pretty space. It made me feel connected to the earth and to God, who I believe, is a lover of beauty Himself. I still place flowers in my living room and am constantly looking for ways to add to the beauty around me. I think I honour God and in one way live out my purpose. Here's a quote from Edith about creating art and beauty around you.

'It is true that all men are created in the image of God, but christians are supposed to be conscious of it and should recognize the importance of living artistically, aesthetically and creatively, as creative creatures of the creator. If we have been created in the image of an Artist, then we should look for expressions of artistry and be sensitive to beauty, responsive to what has been created for our appreciation.'

Edith Schaeffer (The hidden art of homemaking)

Ten things I'm totally loving right now

I wouldn't really classify myself a list maker but once in a while I do indulge in the practice. Today is one of those days. I am loving:-

* My house and filling it up with stuff!! Its so much fun to fill mine and Dennis's abode with love and things and cozy it up. Totally enjoying it.

*counting down the days till I meet my little 'Temo. I really cannot wait to kiss him and tell him how much I love him!!

*a clean kitchen. Its just nicer to cook in.

*seeing Dennis after a long day. Gosh such a good feeling.

* the rocks that Claire brought for me from the Red Sea. Loving them! I also loove the scarf (thanks Claire, you're awesome!)

*The stuff I got for little 'Temo when I went baby shopping. so adorable, I could cry :-) ;-)

*having guys over at my house! (MY house!! unbelievable! we grow up so fast)

*my non stick pan. It makes cooking so much fun

*For colored girls. The movie.

*the islamic call for prayer, I'm hearing outside my window right now. I actually enjoy listening to it.

Losing myself..

The other night I was up at 3 AM, bonding with my son. That's what I do when the insomnia kicks in. I talk to him & I relish in being the only one who he knows yet. I thought about married life. Do I really want it. I mean, ofcourse I do, but I also want to hang on to being my parents' daughter. Memories came flooding in, time really does fly. Just the other day I was 7 years old, sitting on my dad's lap. Now I'm 7 months pregnant with my first son! How did that happen? Actually when is the question. Anyway, I sat there and wept at losing my childhood. here is a short list of some of the things I will miss about living under my parents' home.

*Coming home to mum after a long day of school and later work.
*Watching mum wear her make up (To me, you are and will always be the most beautiful woman on earth mum)
*When dad came from his trips and brought us (read, me :-) goodies. (That was fun!)
*The cosiness and comfort of home. The smell of chapos, 4 O'clock tea, good food
*Gossiping with mum.

Being pregnant and such like things...

This will be the first forum in which I announce to the world what many have already been speculating about. And to borrow Ellen Degeneres's catchy coming out title, Yep, I'm Preggers! I'm exactly 4 months pregnant and the experience has just been amazing. In fact it's been so life changing that I wouldn't be doing anyone any justice by trying to explain what it feels like. But I will attempt to share some of my insights. Hmmm, where do I start? Well, right now I'm experiencing what experts call 'quickening' which is basically the initial baby movements and as you can guess it is beyond exciting.

To know that this baby is alive & kicking & responding to me is just overwhelming. Nothing could be more real and intense than carrying the baby of the man you love. It is the deepest, most beautiful part of our love & seeing Dennis transition into the role of a father is simply divine. I'm glad to be experiencing this with you babe.

Funny thing about being pregnant though is the pregnancy books. I don't know who writes them but that's definetely a post for another day.

Meanwhile keep happy & pray for my little one. I love him/her to bits already & am looking forward to sharing more on this exciting journey of mine.

watching a man die

Yesterday I watched a man dying. It was at around 8 PM and I was leaving town for home after a date with Cugu. I was in a mat when we came to this huge crowd of people. We didn't know what was going on. We got word that a thief had been killed. Had he been lynched, shot, what? I asked.
Before I could make out the confusion. I saw the convulsing body of a man on the ground. He was lying face up. He looked around 25/26 and had three gunshot wounds on his head. It was a shocking sight. It was terribly tragic too.

A young man would lose his life. He had barely gotten a chance to live out his full potential. It was sad and I couldn't help but think of all the little choices that had led him to that moment.

Lying on the ground, surrounded by people who were clearly relieved(excited even) to have him out of this world.
I thought about his childhood, what made him so hardened that he chose a life of crime rather than be a normal young man, striving for society's acceptance and approval. I wondered. I thought about his family who had now lost a son, a brother, a husband, a father..it broke my heart.

He must have died a few minutes after our mat had passed. But it made me think of the choices we make. The brevity of life. The finality of death.

I pray that I live my life forever conscious of these three things.

an excerpt from Donald Miller's book

Ok so I finally gave myself permission to be obsessed with Donald Miller and his type of wisdom. And how can I have a somewhat blog and not mention him. It's simply unacceptable! Here's an exceprt from his book 'Through Painted deserts'. Haven't actually read it but I'm looking forward to owning a copy. Hopefully very soon. Enjoy.
* * * * *
And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.

Feeling lost and out of it..

I spent probably 55% of my day yesterday thinking about work today. Dreading it. Worrying about it. Wondering why I wake up so early to go to a job I don't like. I have to. That's my response to that nagging question. In the western world people have options to live their jobs and pursue careers in art or homemaking. In Kenya, the corporate world is our ticket to happiness (or so we think!). A well paying job in a huge corporation is our definition for success. Never mind how stressful and emotionally draining it can be. But do we have a way out? Is it possible to live a comfortable and happy life of authenticity in Kenya? (please feel free to indulge me)I used to wonder why I couldn't fit into the system. Am I lazy or backward or a coward. I ask myself over and over again.
But I've come to this conclusion, that our search for our authentic selves cannot be deterred by social barriers and stereotypes. I must never be afraid to seek the truth about who I am regardless of how cast out and broke and alone I might feel. Because for me, knowing who you don't want to be is a step towards finding my true self. It may not be clear how my life will turn out but one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to be soulless and lost in this corporate illusion of happiness.