Thursday, June 30, 2011

Walking the talk can be so hard at times..

We've had this conversation over and over again. I think it must be around two thousand times that we spoke about it, and we have always been on the same page. The mother should raise the child. Period. How do you bring a child into the world only to leave him behind, with a standard 3 dropout? That is not only unfair , it is cruel. That much we agreed on, 2years ago

So now the rubber meets the road (cliche, I know). Baby's here. He needs me more than ever and I am called to raise up the next generation. I am scared to the core, scared of losing my identity, scared of saying 'Hi, my name is....and I'm a Stay at Home Mom', scared of disappointing my family who declare so proudly that 'Our daughter has a (well paying) job'.

And so I wear that power suit, paint my face, pull myself together and leave my barely 4month old behind, to appease my ego and those of others, I die to Self to serve Self. Such a bizarre way to be. I live for today's comforts and manage to convince him and myself that that's whats best for baby.

But what about the values, the conversations, the promise I made to God that I will one day be accountable to? Only time will tell.
For now, I am here, and my baby is being raised by a 20 year old. Cause that's what's best for him?


  1. Coz that's what best for him(?). Balance! We must work and also bring up our kids. Why not make every minute of life valueless? If you are working make it count, if you are with your baby make it count. The baby blues will come especially after the leave period is over but at times society does make demands on us, one being leaving our children behind as we head to work.

  2. babe,dont beat yourself up about it. youre super woman. thats what its all about. you should focus on working hard and capitalizing on the time you have to be the best mum you can be when you get home. plus your woman! and are strong. you can hack it. i on the other hand are not so sure i can... im super and im woman but somehow sleep seems to overtake me. always remember you are awesome and God loves you and so do we:-) Maritsa

  3. @ in a few words, I hear you, about finding balance. Are you suggesting that full time parenting/ taking care of your baby is not work? Anyway I'll let that slide coz I don't feel like typing my long arguement :-)

    @Maritsa, thank you babe! I hear you and I love you too :-* xoxoxo